Wednesday, January 30, 2013

It hurts too much to care....

"Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? ...Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?....By the breath of God frost is given ..." selected from Job

Are there days when it just takes too much energy to care? Are there things that just hurt too much to think about because they make you "care"? Is the burden of caring just too much so you try to shrug it off?

Maybe those questions seem strange to you. Maybe you never felt any of those.

Today I feel like all of those.

Yes, I know that sounds awful. That sounds "UN"- caring.

But the truth is I ...have a lot of times like this.

I started today with being drawn into the little arbor of frosted trees that I shared with you in my photo. There's something about the mysterious depths of a frosty forest that always pulls me in. I want to know the "treasures of the snow". I want to know deeper the breath of the God who made the frost. knowing more getting close enough to feel the breath of God, along with all the sweetness of joy you also will find something else.......your heart will be broken by what breaks His.

It continued for me with a simple question from a friend's status on facebook, "What stirs you?" I thought about that. It wasn't hard for me to think of three things that stir me: the hopelessness of an addict, broken marriages, wimpy Christians. I felt a twinge as I wrote the last and I felt the familiar tightening of caring about something and feeling powerless to do anything about it.

IF I care enough it stirs me and If I do nothing doesn't that make me a wimpy Christian?

It grew more intense as I read a link from another commenter under that post, a link about the plight of millions of children in deplorable orpahanages around the world.

It grew even more reading another's link on the sin of abortion in our country.

At this moment in time I have little resources to DO anything about most of these things that break my heart. I ignoring it all because it really takes energy, time and commitment to care and yes, it hurts to care?

Am I doing what I could be doing? Am I sacrficing wherever and whenever I can to do whatever I can, no matter how small? Am I spending time passing on the burden of the heart of God to my children to give them a heart to care and prepare them for the time when they can do something about it?

Recently a son told me that he feels like with all the children needing a home he should adopt instead of just having his own. Forget all the questions of theolology or right or wrong of that feeling, was my hesitation because I selfishly just want to see and know MY son's children? Shouldn't I just thank God for that expression of the heart of God in my son? So do I really care if I know deep inside that sometimes I try not to because it hurts too much?

Today I want to know more intimately the breath of the God who made the frost. i want my heart to break with what breaks His and I want to try to show that caring.

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