Monday, July 29, 2013

Do "They" Run or Ruin Your Life?

Years ago I cut this out of a newspaper and posted in our frig. Somewhere over the years it got lost. I have finally located it online. I really, really like this!

Ode to the House of They

Have you heard of the terrible family They,
And the dreadful, venomous things They say?

Why, half the gossip under the sun,

If you trace it back, you will find begun

In that wretched House of They.

A numerous family, so I am told,

And its genealogical tree is old;

For ever since Adam and Eve began

To build up the curious race of man,

Has existed the House of They.

Gossip-mongers and spreaders of lies,

Horrid people whom all despise!

And yet the best of us now and then,

Repeat queer tales about women and men

And quote the House of They.

They live like lords, and never labor;

A They`s one task is to watch his neighbor,

And tell his business and private affairs

To the world at large; they are sowers of tares-

These folks in the House of They.

It is wholly useless to follow a They

With a whip or a gun, for he slips away

And into his house, where you cannot go;

It is locked and bolted and guarded so-

This horrible House of They.

Though you cannot get in, yet they get out,

And spread their villainous tales about;

Of all the rascals under the sun

Who have come to punishment, never one

Belonged to the House of They.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mothers and Life


Mother's Day....mixed emotions....that I really don't know the words for, or even know for sure if I want to put into words. .....cause , you know, putting something into words makes it more real somehow...and I realize that I have been trying to not make it real.

It is a funny thing to be a grownup and to know that life has cycles and change and inevitables and that being "grownup" you know that is ...just with it.

No amount of wallowing in the confusion and funny feelings and allowing the tears and memories etc, etc, will change any of it.

So my personality is -deal with it.

But sometimes I feel like there are realities that I tiptoe softly over like walking on eggshells.

Like aging, death, empty nesting, change,

This is the first Mother's Day of my life without a Mother. This is also the first Mother's day ,of my life as a Mother, without almost half of my children at home for the day to celebrate.

It feels ...kinda.....strange......I really have no words ...and I realize that searching for the words only brings me far too close to that place where I can no longer tiptoe over the feelings .

And somehow I feel like if I get to that place it would take me too long to make my way back.

I kinda feel like I'm hanging suspended over a chasm of time on a thin cable that is flinging me forward to the change on the other side and there is nothing I can do about it

As a grownup with my own full life it doesn't feel like it should feel so much like a house without a foundation to face a Mother's day without my Mom. does......

I'm not an overly sentimental person. I don't get into mushy displays of family affection. I never really gave the whole "Mother " factor that much thought . It was just life. It was a given. Mothers day rolled around and as a kid I always picked out or made some little gift for Mom. As an adult moved away from home, I always called or visited. That was really all it was. I loved Mom. I appreciated her. But...she was just ...there....I really never thought about it, that in the very basic-ness of life she was a foundation.

I want to hold on to my kids. I want to be surrounded by them freeze this time.....somehow it seems like it would fill the surreal, vague, empty space that was ...Mom.

But like I said putting it into words brings tears to my eyes moment....this celebration...I choose to focus on what IS, not what Was...That is LIFE...and that really is the only way...the best get through it, until .... day we part no more...

Friday, February 15, 2013

February Thoughts

The piles of snow are melting, making funky patterns on my deck

and making my mind want to dare to think of Spring. Which, if you live in the Inland Northwest, is a very pointless exercise! But I can always hope! :)

Valentine tulips make me smile.

The circle of life goes on and in February one tends to think about it more. Nature hangs waiting, seemingly dead and still, for the warmth of life in the Spring breezes.

I sit waiting on my first grandchild. I never imagined that I would feel almost as impatient as when it was my own. I will fly East on the 20th,my Mom's 71st birthday...if she were still here....I will leave to see my first grandchild, her 23rd great life, not replacing the old ,just continuing the cycle of life...carrying on the heritage of what went before.

Today is all sunshine and bright, blue skies.

I received a gorgeous bridal shower invitation today...another happy reminder of the goodness of the cycle of life.....

I now am the (not so) proud owner of new pair of reading glasses. A not so happy reminder of life's cycles.....

I got a funky purple pair. Not because they look good on me. I'm not sure they do...but I have determined that "when I am old , I shall wear purple"! :)

Mom's Menu- Chicken Fried Rice, Corn and Applesauce

Saturday, February 2, 2013

The truth About The Weight Issue

Wow!! This really hit home!!

I'm ashamed to admit it....but I think it's time to....

For far too long I have looked in the mirror and compared the woman there to the 18yr old girl I used to be.

Crazy , yes, stupid, duh, but I have . I have moaned and groaned about the fact that I was always determined to never gain weight! I would somehow stay slim in spite of 9 babies, 3 miscarriages, my gene pool and middle age!!!!!

Well, yeh you guessed it I didn't and I have hated myself for it! I have obssessed about the 30lbs I've gained since I was forty. I have dieted incessantly and tried to lose the 50 lbs overall that I have gained since before I had kids. I never, ever ,ever just enjoy a tiramisu. I have one maybe once a year and can't even enjoy the taste because I feel so guilty. I am constantly on a diet..constantly!!!

I never let my candid pic be taken if I know about it. And if someone sneaks one I delete if I can. I try to ignore it when the kids tell me if I died I they wouldn't even have a recent pic of me. I tell myself that's better . Then they would always remember me thin. I look at pics of others who if I am honest with myself they are in fact heavier than I am and I wonder how does she even pose for a pic and....deep inside I envy her.

I try to ignore it when dear hubby tells me he'd rather have me happy , than thin. I try to swallow the words when  I want to remind him that I'm too heavy , when he tells me I'm beautiful. Just this morning, I told him I didn't want to go somewhere because in spite of being in a weight challenge with some friends the last 3 wks I have GAiNED a pound and half and so I don't feel like going to a neighboring church this Sun. cause I don't want people to think he has a fat wife! Yeh ....Pitiful!!!

And he just pulled me close and said, "I just want them to know that I have a happy wife." Wow, It had never really struck me like that before. Yeh, that is what is important to him. He wants people to know that he has made his wife happy. How am  I showing that if I hide out because nothing in the closet fits the way I want it too. How can people see that if I pull away from people and the outgoing personality I used to have???

Then I read this blog!! Yep! I'm very, very thoroughly convicted. It won't be easy but I am determined to accept my self, ALL of me.

So there you have it ...the whole sordid truth...

Read this blog, She says it all wonderfully!!

Thursday, January 31, 2013

A "good kid's testimony"

A simple answer in my son's Bible curriculum stopped me short.

".....I guess I don't have much of a testimony. I was only 12.......but I'm glad I didn't waste half of my life procuring a 'good' testimony."


Yes, Son, I'm glad too, you didn't!

But the issue he addresses here is a serious one.

How often are our "good- christian- home -raised" kids made to feel like this? How often does the "hell raising sinner's" conversion story get repeated over and over and glorified??

We carefully guard our children's environment. We teach them of Christ before they can talk. We read the Bible to them and then teach them to read it as soon as they can sound out "God". We teach them that we are all lost souls in need of a Saviour . We teach them the story of Adam. We tell them that through disobedience the whole race of mankind has lost a relationship with God and must find it only through the saving power of Christ's blood . We stress there are no Christians by inheritance and God has no grandchildren and clever things like that to try to instill in them that they are lost even though they are being raised in a Christian home.

We tell them never to do "those bad things"!

We rejoice when they give their heart to God and acknowledge to Him that they are lost and doomed for punishment without Him. We rejoice and baptize them and we praise God with them.

And then....then what??

Who ,outside of their parents ,(if we even do enough)encourages them, walks beside them, reminds them they were a sinner saved by grace!!!? Who affirms to them that they are remarkable , a set apart holy vessel unto God, special in His eyes and ours because they chose Him!!??? Who looks close enough to notice when the dark temptations of this world try to allure that "good kid" ? Who is there to remind him of the reaping and the sowing and how very very blessed he is that he will never have to live to regret???

Does He see or hear enough of that?

He sees the "new convert" that everyone flocks around. You know the one, the drunk who lived under the bridge who now sits in the church pew. He hears the exclaiming about the mighty power of God that worked in that man's life.

He listens to the testimony of guest speaker who spent in his life in riotous living and now found the answer to his soul's cry. And he hears the Amen's and hallelujah's roll when that man says he stands here by the grace of God .

He watches when the fatted calf is killed for the rebellious son who returns after years of running from God.

He attends all the returned missionary film shows about the amazing work of God among the sin darkened heathens.

He sees. He listens. He watches.

And somewhere along the line , he begins to feel that his conversion didn't really amount to much. He begins to question whether he really knows the grace of God. He wonders if maybe a person does need to continues in sin in order for grace to "abound".

He feels insignificant. He's just the "good kid".

And when the tempter whispers that there are good things out there to see and experience, he listens...because he has heard it sound so exciting.

And when the discourager tells him "who cares" , he listens.... because he's not sure anymore if anyone does.

And when the dark one taunts 'hath God said" , he wavers, because....he thinks ,maybe ,just maybe, he's not saved.

And while the saints rejoice over the prodigal and while the missionary recounts the conversion of the demon possessed, the good kid slips outside the door.

He becomes the runaway, the sinner...

Then we all pray...we mention his name at every prayer meeting. We rock heaven's gate with our fervent prayers for his salvation and his return.

But what if he doesn't ...then what...what if the lies and whispers grow so strong ,he takes his own life, as a "good kid", my son's friend, did just yesterday.

What then?

It is too late for that "good kid" but then...maybe then....

....will we gather our children around and tell them how blessed they valued they in the sight of God there is no respect of persons? Will we remind them that we are so very blessed by their godly, right choices and tell them how special a sanctified vessel is in the service of God? Will we tell them they are so wise to feel "glad that (they) didn't waste half of (their) life procuring a good testimony"?

Will we.....then...NOW....??

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

It hurts too much to care....

"Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? ...Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?....By the breath of God frost is given ..." selected from Job

Are there days when it just takes too much energy to care? Are there things that just hurt too much to think about because they make you "care"? Is the burden of caring just too much so you try to shrug it off?

Maybe those questions seem strange to you. Maybe you never felt any of those.

Today I feel like all of those.

Yes, I know that sounds awful. That sounds "UN"- caring.

But the truth is I ...have a lot of times like this.

I started today with being drawn into the little arbor of frosted trees that I shared with you in my photo. There's something about the mysterious depths of a frosty forest that always pulls me in. I want to know the "treasures of the snow". I want to know deeper the breath of the God who made the frost. knowing more getting close enough to feel the breath of God, along with all the sweetness of joy you also will find something else.......your heart will be broken by what breaks His.

It continued for me with a simple question from a friend's status on facebook, "What stirs you?" I thought about that. It wasn't hard for me to think of three things that stir me: the hopelessness of an addict, broken marriages, wimpy Christians. I felt a twinge as I wrote the last and I felt the familiar tightening of caring about something and feeling powerless to do anything about it.

IF I care enough it stirs me and If I do nothing doesn't that make me a wimpy Christian?

It grew more intense as I read a link from another commenter under that post, a link about the plight of millions of children in deplorable orpahanages around the world.

It grew even more reading another's link on the sin of abortion in our country.

At this moment in time I have little resources to DO anything about most of these things that break my heart. I ignoring it all because it really takes energy, time and commitment to care and yes, it hurts to care?

Am I doing what I could be doing? Am I sacrficing wherever and whenever I can to do whatever I can, no matter how small? Am I spending time passing on the burden of the heart of God to my children to give them a heart to care and prepare them for the time when they can do something about it?

Recently a son told me that he feels like with all the children needing a home he should adopt instead of just having his own. Forget all the questions of theolology or right or wrong of that feeling, was my hesitation because I selfishly just want to see and know MY son's children? Shouldn't I just thank God for that expression of the heart of God in my son? So do I really care if I know deep inside that sometimes I try not to because it hurts too much?

Today I want to know more intimately the breath of the God who made the frost. i want my heart to break with what breaks His and I want to try to show that caring.